


Bill and Ted’s Bogus Yuletide Adventure

by atreic



Category: Bill & Ted (Movies)
Genre: COVID-19, Gen, Meta, Plague, Yuletide
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-22
Updated: 2020-12-22
Packaged: 2021-03-10 22:35:39
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 795
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28244793
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/atreic/pseuds/atreic
Summary: Being the tale of Bill and Ted and their travels in time to write a 1000 word fic.
Comments: 8
Kudos: 10
Collections: Yuletide Madness 2020





	Bill and Ted’s Bogus Yuletide Adventure

**Author's Note:**

  * For [childishinquiry](https://archiveofourown.org/users/childishinquiry/gifts).



‘Dude! Why weren’t you at the band rehearsal?’

‘Bill! A most heinous thing has happened. I thought it would be fun to write a thousand-word long story for a Christmas fic exchange. And now it is the deadline tonight. And I have ten words, and my brain is completely blank, dude. So blank I even forgot there was a Wyld Stallions rehearsal.’

‘Bogus, dude.’

‘Yeah.’

‘Well… what book are you supposed to write about?’

‘I thought if I matched on a book about an important historical event, then Rufus might appear. And we could go back and see it.’

‘Party on, dude!’

‘Yeah! So I offered the Doomsday Book. Because then I can go back to medieval England. And I can pick something up for the Princesses for Christmas on the way!’

‘Excellent!’ 

*Air guitar!*

‘Except now it’s the deadline. And Rufus hasn’t appeared.’

‘Oh. Bogus, dude.’

‘And it turns out it’s all in Latin and goes on about tax a lot.’ 

‘That is most non excellent. If only… ‘

*The sound of a materialising phone booth*

‘Rufus! We knew you wouldn’t let us down!’

‘Good evening, gentlemen. I hear that the future of the world now depends on your ability to write a thousand word short story in the next 24 hours.’

‘Yeah. And I’ve matched on a survey of thirteen thousand different villages written in Latin.’

‘Hey! Maybe Socrates can read the Latin!’

*Air guitar!*

‘Gentlemen! The last time I checked, the Great Survey of 1085 was not written by Connie Willis.’

*Perplexed looks*

‘You are supposed to be writing fic on a late 20th century science fiction novel, not an 11th century tax record.’

‘No way!’

‘Yes way.’

‘Bogus.’

‘Dude, did you even read the Dear Author letter?’

‘I’ve been busy with the band! Anyway, optional details are optional.’

‘Yes, but writing about the right canon is kind of crucial. Still, gentlemen, the right Doomsday Book is set in 1320. So I probably can help anyway. You can borrow the booth.’

‘Party on, dude! Right, where’s the number for 1320?’

‘Try under P for Plague’

‘1918 flu pandemic… 1860 cholera pandemic… 2020 Covid-19 pandemic…’

‘You help defeat that one, you know.’

‘We do?’

‘Indeed you do. Wyld Stallions release a record called ‘We’re closer together when we’re two metres apart’, leading to extensive behavioural change, and money from the sale of Wyld Stallions face masks is channelled into vaccine research, eventually leading to the vaccine that ends the pandemic.’

*Air guitar!* ‘Excellent!’

‘Ah, here we go. 1320, Black Death. Catch you later, Rufus!’

‘Catch you later, Bill and Ted! And try not to catch the Plague!’

\---

‘Woah, Ted! This is most non excellent.’

‘Yeah dude. From all we have researched so far, I have to write a thousand words of fic about mud and dead people. Ideally in a festive cheerful way.’

‘Bogus.’

‘Hey, I think I see someone waving at us over there!’

*They squelch through the mud*

‘How’s it hanging, mud-dwelling dude?’

‘Befil myn doughter so muchel seeke.’

‘Bill? I thought we were in England?’

‘Maybe he came to England to try and find a cure for his daughter? She looks pretty sick, dude.’

‘Art able for to helpen myn doughter?’

‘Hmm… Mr Seeke! We will help your daughter, Muchel!’

‘Dude! How are we going to help his sick daughter? We don’t know how to cure the plague!’

‘Bogus! Wait! Station is the most excellent scientist in the universe! We can take her to Station, and he will cure her’

*Air guitar!* ‘Excellent!’

‘Dude! We can’t go near her without getting the plague!’

‘Bogus! Wait! The Good Robot Us-s can’t get plague, right? Because they’re robots.’

‘So…’ 

‘When we return home, we loan the booth to the Good Robot Us-s… 

‘They come back and pick up Muchel, take her to Station,…’

‘Who can cure her, and then they can come back here and drop her off…’

*The noise of a second phone booth landing*

‘Excellent!’ *Air guitar!*

*The Good Robot Bill and Ted appear out of the second phone booth, with a much healthier yet otherwise identical small child*

‘Party on, dudes!’

‘Myn doughter! And eeke myn doughter! Doughters tweye!’

‘Do not worry Mr Seeke! We have cured your daughter! And now our excellent robot us-s will take her away, so they can cure her!’

*The Good Robot Bill and Teds wave, with clanking noises. ‘Mr Seeke’ faints*

‘Be excellent to one another, muddy plague people!’

*The Good Robot Bill and Teds get into their phone booth with the ill child. Bill and Ted get into their phone booth. The air flickers, and with a whumming noise both booths are gone.*

*The remaining now healthy small child waves at the space where they had been.*

‘Catch you later, Bill and Ted!’


End file.
